Stop Acting White!

I’m a white male. I’m not accustomed to being on the “wrong side” of racism ... well, beyond the trivial “white men can’t dance” (or play basketball, or run fast). So I was sincerely confused when, a few years ago, I was shopping in an Inglewood Target with my girlfriend – who’s Hispanic… uh, Latina? …Caucasian? – and heard a mother yell at her son, “Stop acting white!”

I joked to my girlfriend, “What did she mean: Stop acting like an upstanding member of society?” She looked at me weird and said, “No, she meant stop acting out of control.” I was dumbfounded. She explained that she’d heard the term a lot growing up and that it derived from a belief amongst some people “of color” that white parents aren’t strict enough with their kids and let them run amok.

I was surprised. It’s not like before this incident I was unable to understand how a pejorative slur could hurt (I hated being called a nerd in elementary school) and I sincerely felt that I was empathetic enough to understand how the N-word or any other ethnic putdowns could be devastating. But to experience racism – especially when I had no inkling that “acting white” was even an insult – was eye-opening.

I can truthfully say I wasn’t offended – my Mom was pretty strict so I knew better – but up until that point I thought white people were only seen as oppressors and elitists. How could the proponents of the “nuclear family” be bad parents?

But to think that there are defined stereotypes for each race is to possess the same mindset that fosters racism. I needn’t list the stereotypes here – we all know them – but realizing that they are as ephemeral and, thus, as meaningless as the slurs that evoke them is actually sort of comforting.

Even the terms that we generally accept as “safe” are, well, kinda silly.

What’s an African-American? Isn’t pasty-white Charlize Theron from the Transvaal one of those?

What’s black? Isn’t it really closer to brown?

“Of color?” What, white isn’t a color?

Hispanic? Um, if all people who were once ruled by Spain are known by this term, call me British!

I’m supposed to be white. But I’m really more kind of tan.

I don't mean this to sound flip. Yes, of course the hate that backs these words causes the real harm but a little ontological reality check can’t hurt. Therefore, the next time someone hurls an insult my way, I’ll try to remember that, well, it’s all relative.