Oprah promised me that if I take one minute of time each day to sit and breathe, my life will change. In fact, she guaranteed it, during her show about how to become a happier person, so I know she really believes it. Oprah’s been sued too many times to play fast and loose with her guarantees.
I was watching the Oprah show late at night as always (thank you, DVR), but I decided to answer Oprah’s charge right away, as soon as the episode was over. It had been a stressful day. I didn’t mind my life changing sooner than later.
I flipped off the TV and closed my eyes, lying under a blanket on the couch. It was almost midnight and I immediately feel like sleeping, but I fought it. It was meditation time, at least for the next minute.
I remembered I should take the steaks out the freezer though, so they could defrost for the next night. I popped up quickly and moved them down to the fridge, racing back to the couch before I broke my relaxation. Eyes closed. I realized I didn’t do the reading I’d hoped to that day. Why do I think I’m going to have any energy for that kind of thing after a late night at work? I promised I’d do some the next night, even though it would be Friday. A part of me knew I was lying to myself. Wait, I was supposed to be clearing my head. Enough. Shh. Oprah would be disappointed in this feeble meditation attempt.
Oprah and I are really pretty similar. We’re both career-driven, attached but unmarried women who take on too much. Well, her probably more than me, but considering all the help she can afford, I feel like my life might be more complicated than hers.
Why was I thinking about Oprah? I should’ve been thinking about my deep inner self, or nothing at all.
My birthday is coming up, I thought. What am I going to do? It’s a big one so it deserves a real celebration. Oprah makes me excited to get older. She says most women really only begin to “wake up” at age 40, if they’re lucky. She says you barely know yourself until then, but since I subscribe to the Church of Oprah, I assume I’m on an accelerated track.
A minute must have passed by now, I thought, but since I’ve been distracted this whole time I should probably keep going a little longer. None of this has counted as meditation yet.
I’m not a committed Oprah acolyte, though it’s too bad really because if I were, I’d probably be in Australia right now. I’m that person who shows up late and sits in the back pew, but I’m there every week nonetheless. Occasionally the sermons are lost on me. I don’t really care to see Oprah roadtrip it with Gayle or camp in Yosemite, and I’m not really into the weight watchers stuff. She should just stay in her studio and bring us inspirational stories. Or, give stuff away. She’s best when she’s either telling us how someone’s life changed for the better, or changing someone’s life herself. Either way. It reminds us that surprisingly good things are still possible.
I woke up around 1:30 in the morning, having fallen asleep sometime during my pre-bedtime trance. I vowed to try again the next day, but I forgot.
Church of Oprah, indeed. She's a media goddess, no doubt. I feel like people forget she's not perfect, though, and the dogma really rubs me the wrong way. Granted, I'm a little more biased than usual because Oprah's people poached Tim Gunn from one of my office's events at the last minute. Most people had the same reaction to Tim's cancellation: you don't say no to Oprah.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I really like the tone and narrative of your piece. It's easy to read, but definitely gets from A to B, rather than just plopping down at A, if that makes sense.
My vacations revolve around when Oprah starts in the afternoon...seriously, sometimes I reschedule things just so I can be home on my couch watching her show.
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